Sai Speaks on Marriage -Part II

SWAMI SPEAKS ON MARRIAGE :

First you must understand each other.

After that adjustment will be easy.

First understanding. Second adjustment.

Ninety percent of the people try adjustment first.

This is the wrong way. First understanding.

·         Sometimes, it is natural for you to have anger, ego, temper, tension. You must have adjustment and understanding.

·         Life is like a ring. The ring is the heart; when that is given, the gift is the heart itself. That is the sacred bond.

·         Selflessness is God. The self which is selfless is God. To feel ‘mine’ and ‘thine’ is ego. Ego is very harmful. It is to kill the ego that two souls are brought together. They can learn to adjust to one another and forget their egos.

·         Marriage means your life, a whole lifetime together, not just a few days or a few weeks, or a few years.

·         Marriage is a training ground for fostering trans-sensual love.

·         Today people are not making any effort to understand this principle of love. It is only the power of love that can nullify a curse of a sin. It is only love that can remove all the bitter feelings and enhance the sweetness of life.

·         Today we find elaborate arrangements and gala celebrations in marriage functions. One is filled with joy when one gets married, but one does not realize that the happiness of married life is but momentary. This is not true happiness. O mind, tell me what gives the real happiness? It is Divine proximity.

·          It was lust that caused the downfall of Ravana, the one of great penance and the master of 64 types of knowledge. He not only ruined himself but his whole kingdom. Without purity of heart all the spiritual practices are of no use.

·         Love is life for man and love is everything in this world. It is love that shines brilliantly in every individual. But man, not being able to comprehend the significance of love attributes physical relationship to it. The love of a mother towards her child is affection. The love that exists between wife and husband is infatuation. The love that exists among friends and relations is attachment. The love towards material objects is desire. Love in totality, directed towards God is known as devotion.

·         There is nothing that love cannot achieve in this world. It can even melt the hardest of rocks. When the principle of love in every human being is unified it becomes cosmic love. Do you want to quench your thirst for love? Yearn for His grace and worship Him. In order to experience bliss, develop love more and more. The more you develop love, the more you will experience bliss. Bliss cannot be attained without love. In fact, it is love that takes the form of bliss.

·         Women should take the correct path, then men will also follow suit, as it is the women who have to take the leading role. The wife is half of the husband; if she becomes good, then her husband, who is the other half, will also become good. 

·         Women should inculcate qualities of compassion, love and sacrifice. There is no nobler quality than sacrifice.

·         Men do not have the same spirit of sacrifice as women. If any problem arises, men come forward with initial enthusiasm, but it is only women who resolutely fight until success is achieved.

·         The woman should be respected as the goddess of prosperity in the home. She is the companion of her husband in the fulfillment of the duties and rights of wedded life, and she is a partner in the pilgrimage toward God and Self-realization.

·         It does not matter, how bad or low the husband is, the wife must, through love, bring him round and correct him, and help him gain the blessings of the Lord.

·         She who knows the mind of the husband and speaks soft and sweetly is the real friend. Why sometimes, when the wife has to point out the path of Dharma to the husband, she takes on the role even of a Father! When the husband is down with illness she is the Mother.

·         The first title given to a woman is Grihalakshmi, the goddess of the home. A woman is expected to confer all prosperity, honor and good name on the home and the family. She is characterized as Goddess of the home and not Goddess of the Office....Grihalakshmi; not Office-lakshmi.

·         Another title for a woman is, ‘The better half’. This means she is the better half of the husband and not a partner in his job.

·         The third title is ‘Mistress of the Home’. She is the mistress in the house and not in the office.

·         Dharmapathni is the fourth title conferred on a married woman. This implies that the home is the dwelling for all righteousness. The home is the birth place of all the rules of right conduct.

·         Women should realize that, irrespective of their education or position, their foremost obligation is to protect the home.

·         For lakhs of students and children who go to school, the mother is the first teacher. From the moment of birth, for every one the mother is the preceptor. If such a teacher leaves her home to teach other children, who will teach her children?

·         Women are the fountain-source of love. Devotion is considered a feminine quality while wisdom is considered masculine. Let me not be misunderstood if I say that for the presence of all the male devotees present here, women alone are responsible. It is they who by their sacred feelings brought their menfolk here. Their work is sacred in every respect. They seek not only to sanctify their lives but the lives of all others in the family.

·         She who knows the mind of the husband and speaks softly and sweetly is the real friend. Why sometimes, when the wife has to point out the path of Dharma to the husband, she takes on the role even of a Father! When the husband is down with illness she is the Mother.

·         Husband entered your life in the middle and will go away in the middle. You may serve him as long as he is alive. But, when he himself discards you, there is nothing wrong in leaving him for the sake of God. It is not proper to expect the wife to suffer at the hands of a wicked husband.

·         Before Marriage, he is half body. Before marriage, she is half body. Lady is always left side. Right side is gent’s. The gent’s body is always the right side of the wife. Now you have only one body. In Indian philosophy or custom this is called ardhangi. (Ardha means half.) Wife before marriage is only ardhangi, half body. Now the left side is joined with the right side and you are full body.

·         In the future, husband’s troubles are wife’s troubles and wife’s troubles become husband’s. It is like, if one part of the body is paralyzed, the other part of the body feels the paralysis. And so, your wife must feel your pains and you must feel her pains. Both of your pains are removed by Swami. Both of you have Swami. Both husband should help wife and wife should help husband.

·         Today, there is the tendency of separation, not coming together. Life is full of troubles and challenges. We should not separate ourselves because of these but rather face them together. Now when trouble comes, even if it is small, it separates us. That should not be the tendency, one should give one’s heart to another.

·          Let men and women consider others’ mistakes to be small, however big they may be. Consider your own faults to be big, however small they may be. It is of utmost importance that you see the flaws in yourself, and eliminate them.

·         Men should try to understand women, and women should also try to understand men. It is the harmony, peace and mutual love between men and women that brings happiness and peace to the family. People want happiness in the family, but they do not lead exemplary live. The fault lies with both the husband and the wife.

·         Men do not have the same spirit of sacrifice as women. If any problem arises, men come forward with initial enthusiasm, but it is only women who resolutely fight until success is achieved.

·         Nowadays, people feel proud when they win titles for their outstanding contributions in the fields of art, science, and public life. These titles are insignificant. However, women hold titles which are permanent in nature. A house without a woman is like a jungle. So, men have a responsibility to give the respect and honor that women deserve and insure that they do not shed tears. The home where the woman sheds tears is bound to go to ruin

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·         Men set no limits or restraints on themselves. They do not care to ponder over where they should go, why they should go there, nor how they should behave. The women do not know when to talk, what they should say, nor when to maintain silence. Therefore, if men and women correct these habits, then there can be happiness.

·         It does not matter, how bad or low the husband is, the wife must, through love, bring him round and correct him, and help him gain the blessings of the Lord.

·         That home, where the husband and the wife are abound together by holy love, where every day both are engaged in the reading of books that feed the soul, where the Name of the Lord is sung and His Glory remembered, that home is really the Home of the Lord.

·         Just as women should consider one person and one person only as her husband, man too has to be faithful to one woman and one woman only, as his mate, his wife.